Groomsmen Part 5: The Carpenter from North Polk

Me and Charlie had just got home for the day as we trotted across our back deck when we noticed something a little bit odd. There were three or four chunks of wood that had apparently been sawed off recently. "What happened here? What the hell is Dustin up to now?," Charlie asked. We both chuckled and shook our heads, knowing for a fact that the notorious Mr. Fix-it they call Dustin was at it again, performing another self appointed project. Our house handyman, Dustin also enjoyed taking on any home improvement tasks he could. Raised on a farm in the golden lush beauty of Iowa, Dustin Howard was a problem solver of all house maintenance issues.....most of the time. He was for all intensive purposes, the Carpenter of 1203 E Randolph, the one man fix-it (or wrecking) crew. 

To put it simply, Dustin increased the quality of life for our house the last few years. He took joy in fixing all things big or small. 

Light fixture malfunction? Call Dustin. 

Recliner all jacked up? Yea I'm gonna order some parts. 

Coffee table leg broken? Tell ole Dusty. 

I remember one time coming back from a break, Dustin stumbled in the kitchen doorway carrying an ancient but MASSIVE microwave. I mean this thing had to be 3 foot tall and 3 foot wide. Mind you the microwave we had worked just fine. "Yea I got this from the rents," he explained excitedly. "Figured we'll be able to microwave way more shit in this thing!"

I may have embellished a bit about how big it was, but still. Regardless, the microwave was just one of many instances in which Dusty was simply increasing our quality of life. And he absolutely LOVED doing this just as he loved fixing mishaps big and small. It was his joy, simply the kind of guy he is. 

Strikingly similar to my friend Jesus. Little did I know what was really going on the past 4 years-- The Carpenter from Nazareth was using the Carpenter from North Polk to visit me more than a few times. 

Like Dustin, Jesus takes great delight in simply making our lives better. Jesus did after all say he came to give us life. "I have come so that they may have life and have it in abundance." (John 10:10)  Notice what Jesus DIDN'T say. He did not say "I have come so that they may behave better." He did not say "I have come that they may vote republican." Life. LIFE is what he came for friends, and life in abundance. Like Dustin, Jesus also enjoys fixing things that are broken. Its safe to say Jesus could fix up a crummy coffee table, he was a carpenter after all. But he most definitely majors in fixing people who are deeply broken. He takes the broken pieces of our lives and rather delightfully fixes them, if we will invite him to do so. He loves giving us more life, and more joy. 

"Well I believe in this Jesus dude, I can dig him. Why doesn't he just give me __________?" Fill in the blank. 

Well that's pretty simple. Jesus would much rather be first and foremost your dear friend, than just your Mr. fix it. This isn't a prosperity gospel. You don't follow rules, say a few heartless prayers, and get the Life to the fullest that Jesus is talking about. The secret is this: The abundant life Jesus is talking about is actually only found in friendship with him. The rest of the stuff, the massive microwaves and whatnot of our friendship with Jesus is just icing on the cake. 

The real joy of my friendship with Dustin isn't that he fixed about everything possible in our house and took care of getting us above average satellite services. The joy of my friendship with Dustin came from times of life shared over a meal, a few bud lights, or shootin some hoops in the driveway. If all I did was bother Dustin about fixing random crap in my house, we probably wouldn't be too close. The same holds true of our relationship with Jesus.

Now my friendship with the Blonde Bomber and his handyman talents are only a small part of the reason I love the guy. 

The piece of Jesus that I got to experience via Dustin Howard is a fairly simple, but profound one: his constant presence. My 4 and a half years at Truman were in large part, difficult. Disappointment and suffering seemed to be the theme of my college years. And all that being said, I wouldn't trade any of it for the world, because I didn't have to go through any of it alone. Now Charlie and Pooch both embodied the constant presence of Jesus to me also. Those two rascals and Dusty are the reasons I would do the whole Truman thing over again. 

But Dustin was with me since day bleeping one. He has been my roommate since the legendary days of room 555 in Centennial hall. He was there for a whole semester of the one they call BENJI. Start to finish, Dustin was simply there, everyday of my time at Truman. 

Now I know, Dustin laying on the living room couch playing Skyrim each morning I got home from work, isn't exactly groundshakingly meaningful. It wasn't life changing. But coming home to a bro-greeting and an inquiry about how work went was heck of a lot better than coming home to an empty living room. 

Similarly, sometimes being friends with and following Jesus isn't always laced with earth shattering wisdom and insight. At times it is, without a question. But sometimes, Jesus is simply there, following through on his promise to be with us always, to the bitter end. Dustin was a constant reminder of Jesus' constant presence in my life. And that's why I love Dustin Howard. 

And remember, I am with you always, to the very end. - Matthew 28:20

Groomsmen part 4: A little Jack and alot of Jesus

For those of you who didn't read my whiskey at the wedding post, I occasionally enjoy a little Jack Daniels in my coke. And I was reminded Tuesday night that I enjoy, more than occasionally, a little Jack Klein in my life.

I believe God brought me to Truman for a number of reasons. Recently I was reminded of one of the biggest reasons he did so. My friendship with Jack Klein.

I was feeling pretty tired, exhausted from a long day that included a final presentation for Marketing and lots of tending to Grigsby.

Anyways I was just getting ready to wind down for the evening when my dude Jack called me. I had completely forgot that we had set up a phone date for 8 pm on this particular Tuesday night. The phone call was exactly what I needed. But before I get into all that fun stuff, I'll give you a brief history of how I met this stallion they call Jack Klein. 

Jack and I were in the same recruiting class at Truman. He played safety and lived in the same dorm as me our freshman year. Our first semester, we had always been fairly close friends, running around together and whatnot. But our second semester was when something special started. I couldn't really tell you how or why, but somehow after we got back from Christmas break that year, we decided that we were going to read The Story (The Gospel) together. I say Story because for some very unfortunate reasons, the word Gospel is a word glazed in religious fog, and makes people think of the choir swaying, arms held high screaming LAAAAAWWWDDD ALMIGGGHTTTYYY. The Gospel, however, is far from the church bells and stained glass windows of lifeless religion. The Gospel is THE Story, an epic story of Gods rescue of his dearly loved family. Its the story of how one man fought so desperately and courageously to save you and me. Anyway, we began reading The Story together. We would meet everyday in the study rooms just outside of the lounge in centennial hall, and tear through the Story. 

And things changed. This Jesus guy came to life, became a bit more personal and lot more real to both of us. It was a time of great spiritual growth for both of us. To this day we both look back to that season of our lives with joy and gratefulness, knowing God worked in rather mysterious and effective ways to ransom us back to his heart once more. 

We had planned on getting a house with a couple other dudes from our team, and we were absolutely geeked to continue searching for the narrow path to Life throughout the rest of our college years. But long story short, Jack had to move back home and he transferred schools at the end of our freshman year. 

It was more than a little disappointing. We had shared our hopes and dreams for what might be shared over the next 4 years together. Football, roomie shenanigans, spiritual growth, Life to the full, etc. And those hopes and dreams were more or less deferred. 

But now to the good stuff, the good part of the story. Jack and I continued to stay in touch throughout our college careers. We simply kept being best friends despite our long distance bromance. 

Jack is my best guy friend. He understands me, gets me. He knows my heart, knows what pisses me off, knows what brings me joy. He knows my dreams and desires, and has walked with me through some rather ugly brokenness and sin. But the thing I think I love most about Jack and my friendship with him, is a shared vision. We both have this deep sense of a mission, something bigger than ourselves, a cause that is very much worth fighting for. We want the same things. 

I think it is so rare to find this. To find someone who knows you, loves you, would go to battle for you at the drop of hat; and also share a dream with you. Jack and I want the same things, want to spend our lives in the same manner. As I was catching up with him just recently on the phone I could feel a strength, a certain fire in my chest coming alive. I struggle really to put what I was feeling into words, so my first thought as to what was rising inside me was this; It was the life and heart of Jesus Christ. My True Best Friend.  My constant companion, and rather powerful partner in bringing His Kingdom to this earth. His life, his heart, his desire was awakening and stirring rather unexpectedly through time spent talking with Jack.  When it has been an extended time since I have truly connected with Jesus or the Father, I am so weary. I am busy, annoyed, on edge, exhausted, and not very motivated. I am also selfish. But when I do finally come back to Christ and take a good long drink of His Living Water, I am both relieved and strengthened. I can feel something alive and on fire in my chest once more.

Very similarly, when it has been an extended time since Jack and I have connected, it never fails that I leave our conversation energized and alive. Awake. When I spend even a small amount of time talking or hanging out with Jack, I am reminded of who I really am. I am reminded of what kind of man I really want to become. I am reminded of what I want my life to look like in 10 years. And through his very unintentional reminders, my heart is deeply strengthened.

It is something I have been deeply missing the past 4 years. When you spend time around certain individuals, they make you want to be a better person. Simply who they are draw you closer to God. Jack is that guy for me. The reason I cherish my relationship with Jack so much is because it mirrors my relationship with Jesus so much- he makes me want to be a better man. Simply spending time with Jack brings me closer to the Father; Jack leaves me wanting to draw closer to the Father. When I spend a little time with Jack, I get a lot of Jesus. 

To put it plainly, Jack is alot like Jesus.  And that is why I love him. 

Its safe to say that I am more than looking forward to sharing a little Jack Daniels with my dear friend Jack Klein in 22 short days. And I most definitely cannot wait to share a celebratory whiskey and coke with Jesus on the day he welcomes me into his Kingdom of Life and Joy. 

Redemption is Hard Work

Well, this posts been a long time comin. Grigsby, the master escape artist and free soul who has recently captured my heart, has ran away yet again. 

The first time he ran away was about a month ago. And it was an absolute mess getting him back. Samantha and I essentially had electronic wanted posters on social media for the arrest of our outlaw friend Grigsby. During our first search of our new Pug-Pomeranian prince, it had literally come to me going and renting a 'live trap' from the conservation department. I set the live trap up in the area where our fugitive buddy had been spotted most often, and set a can of filet mignon flavored wet dog food inside. All the time I spent looking for him, and the time I spent obtaining and setting the trap cut deeply into some much needed studying for my senior test. The whole time I had sensed God telling me to pursue this lil peckerwood of an escapist and to not quit looking for him. To try everything to get him back. Everytime I began being annoyed and frustrated in looking for him, the Spirit would simply say "the lost sheep parable." And so I would grudgingly take another lap around the block shouting for Grigsby to get his little spunky ass back here. 

"Doesn't God know I have to take the HFS test tonight? I don't have time to look for this rebellious dog." And God promptly replied, Easy there son. That's not quite the attitude I had when I came looking for you. 

Busted. This was not about finding a dog. It was about God disrupting my priorities in life. Grigsby brought loads and loads of joy to Samantha. So God asked me, Whats more important? A petty HFS test score or your future wife's heart? Whats more important? Getting shit done or loving others deeply?

OK. ok. I got it Father. Just bring this freaking dog back. 

Now I wished this story ended with: "Then GUESS WHAT?! I went to my HFS test and passed even though I barely studied all because the Lord rewarded me for all my lookign for our dog!!!!!!....then later that night I went to check on the trap, and guess who was in it?! GRIGSBY!!!!" 

This woulda been the perfect ending, surely would have been the script I wrote for the redemption of our relationship with ole Grigs dudes. 

But the trap didn't work. And I did not pass my senior test. BUT. Someone did find Grigsby. And we got our pup back this past Tuesday. 

Takeaway lesson: Redemption is hard work, and rather disruptive to your personal schedule, but its utterly worth it. Redemption doesn't always happen how we imagine, but by the grace of our Daddy in heaven, it does happen, in his perfect way and timing. 

Now to be perfectly honest, I was fighting Samantha pretty strongly on even getting a damn dog. At least until we were married. But when we went to the shelter I sensed God giving me the go ahead to get this little rascal. And now that I finally had brought him home and been re united with this lil booger, I had fell for him. I love him. Hes the bomb! He doesn't dry hump you, he doesn't bite, he snuggles with you like no other, Hes like a stuffed animal with a tiny bit more energy and life. Walking him was my new favorite time of the day. We would finish the last leg of our journeys with a rather spirited sprint. It was a blast even if the frozen tundra of Kirksville was so bitter. 

And now, Grigsby has ran away. Again. The front door opened to our house, and he immediately bolted. So fast none of my roomies could even react or prevent it from happening. Why the hell would God tell me to buy a dog that would run away like his life depended on it?! I mean the first time he ran away, I understand. He was an abused little guy, and was fearful of people, didn't trust us. But over the past 3 days I had proved that I was a good owner. I had given him unlimited love, lots of great food and water, a warm bed, and multiple walks a day. I had given him a WAY better life than the one he had lived in the shelter. I had given him an extremely better life than the one he had while he was on the run for a few weeks. So why would he run away? 

The fact of the matter is God has rather humorously and playfully given Samantha and I a clear picture of what we all do. 

God gives us perfect life and perfect love. He gives us the unconditional attention and affirmation that our hearts so desperately crave. When we come into relationship with God through Jesus Christ, God offers us a life that by far exceeds our past one. We are literally given life to the fullest from our Father in heaven. Yet the first chance we get, we bolt for a false sense of freedom, much like our pup Grigsby. Grigsby has no reason to be fearful of me, has no reason not to trust that I am good and loving. Yet he runs. 

And so do we. 

We have no reason not to trust that Gods heart for us is good and loving. Yet we run. I mean, its mind boggling. The guy takes a bullet aimed at us and dies so that we might live. What is not to trust about a guy who dies so that we can be rescued and given the life and joy we were meant to experience? 

Oh God is in this latest escape of Grigsby. When you walk with God, everything counts, there is something to learn in all experiences. 

What will Samantha and I's attitude be toward this? Will we throw in the towell?  He doesn't even want what we have to offer! Why would we even get our hopes up in finding him? Why would we even want to find him? 

Because if you recall, our Shepherd gladly leaves the 99 sheep on the hill to go look for the lost one UNTIL he finds it. (Luke 15:1-7)

Now if I am writing the story for this round of redemption, it would go something like this: "The next morning my roomies woke up and found Grigsby on the porch. He had turned back and came home!!!"

But I'm not writing the story. God is. And Samantha and I are open to whatever the heck He pleases to write. We don't mind if we get him back, only to have him run away yet again. We will simply love this little soul because we see pieces of our own hearts in his fearfulness of Life. Redemption might not happen how Samantha and I imagine, but it will come. And we will wait patiently for it. 

We might never find him again.....in this life. 

But that will make it an even sweeter Redemption when the great snuggler of all--Grigsby--wags his tail in joy as we crossover from life to Life. I have a hunch on that day Grigsby will no longer be fearful of Life, or distrust our great love for him. I also reckon our own doubt of Gods great love will no longer weigh us down either. 

In the mean time, if your in Kirksville please be on the look out for our guy! Pray about it. Dare to believe God's in this. Dare to believe God is in your own trials, big and small.

And keep in mind, victory is not in the outcome, victory is in the decision to fight, to stay hopeful and present in the moment. In this life or the next, our most desirous prayers will be answered. 

Groomsmen Part 3: Why I hate Nativity Scenes and Love Wes Allen

It’s officially November, and I’m officially dreaming about Christmas time.

On the way home from our most recent contest at Kentucky Wesleyan, I was jamming to the ipod on shuffle. Randomly (or not so randomly depending on your personal beliefs), a teaching from John Eldredge’s book Wild at Heart came on. The teaching was specifically on spiritual warfare and how there is a lot more going on in our lives than we care to believe. He uses an example from Christmas, and talks about nativity scenes.

“All nativity scenes are typically very similar. The same characters tend to appear in each one. Shepherds, wisemen, a few barnyard animals. Of course there is Mary and Joseph, adoring the new born baby Jesus. And a few scenes will include an angel or two, but that is as far as the spiritual realm is represented. The characters all have a very warm, sweet, pastoral feel to them. And while this is very true, it is also very deceiving. Deceiving because this is not a full representation of what is really going on. For that, you must turn to Revelation 12.” (Wild at Heart Audio, The Enemy)

“A great sign appeared in heaven: a woman clothed with the sun, with the moon under her feet and a crown of twelve stars on her head.  She was pregnant and cried out in pain as she was about to give birth.  Then another sign appeared in heaven: an enormous red dragon with seven heads and ten horns and seven crowns on its heads.  Its tail swept a third of the stars out of the sky and flung them to the earth. The dragon stood in front of the woman who was about to give birth, so that it might devour her child the moment he was born. She gave birth to a son, a male child, who “will rule all the nations with an iron scepter…..Then war broke out in heaven. Michael and his angels fought against the dragon, and the dragon and his angels fought back.  But he was not strong enough, and they lost their place in heaven. The great dragon was hurled down—that ancient serpent called the devil, or Satan, who leads the whole world astray. He was hurled to the earth, and his angels with him.” (Revelation 12:1-5, 7-9)

Philip Yancey calls the birth of Christ, “The great invasion…a daring raid by the ruler of the forces of good into the universe’s seat of evil.” To grasp the other half of the picture of Christ’s birth, it would be appropriate for you to watch the initial invasion scenes from Saving Private Ryan. The parallels between Saving Private Ryan and the Gospel are stunning. A massive invasion is launched, and a daring rescue mission for the safety of one lost man behind enemy lines. God invades with his son Jesus, and personally sends both Jesus and an intimate band of angels to rescue you. You are private Ryan in the movie. And like Tom Hanks and his troops, Jesus will stop at nothing to bring you home safely.

Now back to Revelation.

The child is born, the woman escapes, and the story continues:

“Then the dragon was enraged at the woman and went off to wage war against the rest of her offspring—those who keep God’s commands and hold fast their testimony about Jesus.” (Revelation 12:17)

“Behind the world, and the flesh is an even more deadly enemy.. one we rarely speak of, and one we are even less ready to resist, the devil himself...this is where we live now...on the front lines of a fierce spiritual war.” (Wild at Heart Audio, The Enemy)

And thus, I hate nativity scenes. They are soft, like most of our sacred and holy ‘Christian’ culture.

Now I know, it all seems so dramatic, so ultra spiritual and weird. But if you look at the scriptures, warnings about the Enemy are everywhere. Even the old Saint Paul knew how serious spiritual warfare was, he understood that if we are to walk with God in a genuine way and be the men and women we were created to be, we must engage in the spiritual war raging around us. We must fight. Period.

Bringing it a bit closer to home, God began to speak to me about the game I had just finished playing. We beat Kentucky Wesleyan 35-27. We should have scored a lot more points, and I imagine the defense feels that they could have held our opponent to fewer points. The problem was, our team as a whole, was lulled to sleep. We forgot that on Saturdays, it really makes no difference who lines up across from us. We forgot that no matter who our opponent is, no matter what venue and atmosphere we play in, the context for our game is war. And if your mind is not ready for a fight, you will swiftly get your ass kicked. We walked out onto the Kentucky Wesleyan field and it was dead quiet. Saying there was no energy or buzz from the stands would be an understatement.

To make matters worse, we got up by quite a few points early. This early ‘success’ further progressed the lulling to sleep of our team. We had officially forgotten that we were in a fight.

Now to why I love Wes Allen. Now to those pieces of Jesus pumping through Wesley’s veins that so often speak to my heart.  Wes is a soldier, literally. He is going into the Marines after school, and he will make one wild warrior. He is one of the few men in my life that remind me that I am at war, that there are some things in life worth fighting for, and I love that about him. We worked together for a majority of this past summer, and we formed a strong bond as we shared our common love of epic movies, (Gladiator Braveheart We Were Soldiers, to name a few) and Eminem’s lyrics. Often times we would pass the time at work jamming to Eminem, or quoting our favorite movie lines. But my favorite way to pass the time at work with Wes, was looking up quotes from the Marines or other branches of our military. So much wisdom and strength in the quotes of men who have led our countries warriors into the most hostile spots in the world.  Any quote concerning war would do for us. Here’s a few of our favorites:

We thrive on adversity- Navy Seals

Every plans a good one until the first shots are fired – US Marines

A man once told me that death smiles at all of us, all a man do is smile back – Marcus Aurelius, Gladiator

We are never out of the fight – Navy Seals

Only the dead have seen the end of war. – Plato

As Wes and I chatted in the locker room post game, after we narrowly escaped with a victory, we revisited the quote about never being out the fight. “We’re never out of the fight. But that’s the same for the other guys. We forgot that they were never out of the fight either.”

Yes. We did forget Wesley. The Father brought this to my attention on the bus ride home, began fathering me yet again through the game of football. How often do I personally forget that I live in a world at war? How often do I live as though everything is hunky dory in the land of butterflies and rainbows? When in reality, I am in a fight. Satan is enraged at me, hates me. Wants to devour me, wants to steal my joy, kill my heart, and destroy my life. (Click these cool things >>> John 10:10 and 1 Peter 5:8)

We can’t afford to forget that we are at war. We can’t turn the other cheek to where we find ourselves. You can’t win a fight you don’t think exists. Which is why this is Satan's greatest strategy-Lull us to sleep and make us believe that he simply doesn't exist. It’s a subtle assault on humanity, and it’s dreadfully effective. If we believe we are not in a fight, we will swiftly get our asses kicked in this war. I'd venture to say that a majority of the brokenness and pain in your own life is connected to you forgetting, or not knowing, that Satan is assaulting you every freaking day. As Plato said, only the dead have seen the end of war. War is simply where we are in the story. We must accept it, believe it, embrace it, and as men and women of God,  fight with every fiber in our body.

Maybe you have turned down the fight for all your life, refused to accept the fact that Satan is literally waging war against your soul. Maybe you are more than slightly discouraged that you have not jumped in, and fought the evil one. Maybe you feel like its too late, that Satan has gained too much ground on your life for a turnaround.

I would be quick to remind you, that you my friend are never out of the fight. It’s never too late.

We are never out of the fight, and we thrive on adversity.  

I dare the dudes reading this that call themselves Christians to start praying this prayer once a day. It will take about 10 minutes, and it would be a good start in fighting the good fight. It will bring you near to Gods heart, and will teach you how to embrace your role in the war we find ourselves in. 

Fight for your lives. Nothing good has ever come without a fight. Life to the fullest, a life full of Joy and intimacy with God is worth it. But you must fight for it.

And for the love of God someone add a machine gun or something more violent to a nativity scene this year. 

He can't wait

If you couldn't tell, me and Samantha are absolutely GEEEEEKED for our wedding. We cannot wait to wave goodbye to this long distance relationship and usher in a new season of life. 99 days for those of you counting at home.

As I have previously stated, Every good person you have ever loved, has been sent rather personally to your heart from God Himself. Jesus uses these people you love so dearly to introduce himself to you many, many times. He is constantly knocking on the door of your heart through these people. I'm one of the crazy people who thinks that God uses our relationships to reveal some piece of his heart for us.

That time your parents told you there is nothing you could do to make them love you less, was actually the Father's love calling out to you. The countless times your closest friends were simply there for you through thick and thin, was actually the faithful friendship Jesus desires to share with you. Or how about that one married couple, who after many years of life together, actually love each other more than when they first began? That would be the kinda intimacy and soul oneness we were literally designed to share with our Creator. And so Eldredge explains in The Sacred Romance:

"The scriptures employ a wide scale of metaphors to capture the many facets of our relationship with God. If you consider them in a sort of ascending order there is a noticeable and breathtaking progression. Down near the bottom of the totem pole we are the clay, and he is the potter. Moving up a notch, we are the sheep and he the Shepherd. A little better, but hardly flattering. Moving upward we are the servants of the Master, which at least gets us into the house, even if we have to wipe our feet, watch our manners. Most Christians never get past this point, but the ladder of metaphors is about to make a steep ascent. God also calls us his children, and himself our Father which brings us into the possibility of real intimacy. He then calls us his FRIENDS, which opens up a communion that a 5 yr old doesn't quite know with his mother or father. 

But there is still a higher and deeper level of intimacy and partnership awaiting us at the top of this metaphorical ascent. We are his lovers. The courtship that began with a honeymoon in the Garden culminates at the wedding feast of Jesus. "I will take delight in you", he says " as a groom rejoices over his bride, so I will rejoice over you" (Zephaniah 3:17)"

After reading the excerpt from The Sacred Romance my relationship with God was absolutely turned upside down. I began seeing Gods deeply personal love for me through all my friends, family, and Samantha. It was tremendous. It is tremendous. God very plainly told me that Samantha and I's joy and delight in one another is only a tiny glimpse of his love for me.  I will take delight in you, as a groom rejoices over his bride, so I will rejoice over you. Are you kidding me?! There is no question that in 99 days I will be rejoicing over Samantha. In 99 days I will take indescribable delight in Samantha. And I'm just a flabby human....How much more does the Living God, the Great Lover rejoice over us? How much more does he take delight in us? 

All our deep longings and desires for one another are but small extensions of his deeper and wider longings for us to be united with him; united in an endless intimacy that infinitely overflows with joy and ecstasy. 

And so I begin to wonder, if Samantha and I are giddily counting down the days until our wedding, how much more is God ecstatically counting down the days until The Wedding? Every day we wake up, Samantha and I remind each other how many more days until our wedding. 

What if you believed that God does the same for you? That with each time you wake, He crosses off another day spent apart from the love of his life? You are the love of his life, don't you know? There is only one of you.  God longs for you to fill the empty void in his soul that you alone can fill. 

Samantha was enjoying herself at a coffee shop in Des Moines reading and relaxing this past spring. She text me excited yet incomplete saying "I wish you were here though. It's just not the same without you." Bingo. It was a message sent directly from Gods heart to my super sweet slider phone. Its just not the same in without ya son. I wish ya were here.

God wants you, longs for you, even needs your companionship. Not in way that makes him less God if you do not give yourself over to him in reckless abandon. But in a way that makes his Lover's heart ache with incompleteness upon your refusing him as the love of your own life. 

Samantha and I often tell each other we 'cant wait for our day.'  Its really God telling us, and you, that He can't wait for your day.

He can't wait to see you face to face, and wave goodbye to a long distance relationship littered with sin and brokenness, and usher in the new season of Life. 

He can't wait. 

Does God really give a rip about our dreams?

Does God really care about our dreams?

Two Sundays ago, September 22nd to be exact, Samantha invited me to join her in writing down our personal dreams. The dreams could be large or small, and there was no limit as to how many you could write down.This was my kind of deal! So I jumped right in and scribbled down everything I could think of. By the end I had compiled a list of exactly 38 dreams. Samantha and I then shared our list with each other. 

As I shared a few of my dreams with her, I could not help but become discouraged. Some of the windows seemed to be closing on a few of my dreams regarding football. They were dreams I had so badly wanted to give up on over the past 3-4 years.Very simply, it seemed like God didn't really give a rip about these dreams. But I took a risk and held on; I trusted God with my heart and dreams.

The first dream on my list regarding football was 'to be restored on the field again, to play with an edge once more.' Very simply, I wanted to be myself on the field again. For a whole mess of reasons I will refrain from explaining, I had only been myself on two occasions in my 4 year career. Other than these two instances, I simply was not the player or leader I knew I could be between those white lines. This was a burden and sorrow I could not put to words. 

Fast forward to Saturday, September 28th, I was myself once again. I was loud and aggressive. I talked lots of trash to the almighty UCM donkeys. I played with an edge and played well. I led my troops with passion and stayed in the fight for 60 minutes. It was a blast. I had the time of my life.  Now this wasn't just like I flipped a switch and was all of a sudden myself once more. I have tried and strived on my own strength to 'flip the switch' for 4 years. That hasn't worked. This was a divine intervention. I know God had his hand of restoration on me this past Saturday. How do I know? I shared a rather real conversation with an angel all game long.

The angel I was speaking to was about 6'1 and weighed somewhere between 215-225 lbs. He was a black man wearing an away Truman jersey. Some of you might know him as Ivan James. From before kickoff until the clock read zero, Ivan James was constantly in my ear. Do you love football? Love it like the old Conrad. Be that gunslinger. Before and after every series. Between quarters and at halftime. Ivan was there reminding that I loved this game. It was Gods voice pumping through the raspy voice of Sir Ivan James. My heart is eternally grateful to both God and Ivan James for that dream come true.

The game continued, we had the over rated donkeys dead to rights, with 9 minutes left in the 4th quarter. We then self destructed and gave the game away. We were done. But God wasn't quite done with my dreams just yet. With 40 some seconds left, down by 28 points, I cut loose a bomb to my roomie and good friend Tony Pucci. We connected on a deep post for a TD. Though we were still down by 21, I was ecstatic. Absolutely thrilled. I nearly teared up as I ran to celebrate with him. Some of you reading this are asking Whats the big deal? Its a meaningless TD.. Yes, like anything else in life, without God in the equation, the TD was very meaningless. But when you walk with God nothing is meaningless. This TD was much more than the 6 measly points it put on our scoreboard. It was a living picture of overcoming 4 and a half long years of adversity. It was much needed healing from the God who cares deeply about both of our hearts. It was a much needed gift of joy wrapped in the form of Trips right 36 Mesh.

Below I have highlighted the other dream I had written down just 6 days prior to it coming true. 

Though the picture cuts off the very end, the other half that is still yet to be highlighted reads 'To win the game.' I reckon I'll keep trusting God with the un-highlighted half, and see what else he's got up his sleeve this season. 

Samantha met me on the field afterward with tears in her eyes and said "God cares."

Yes. He does care.

Burnt Cookies and Hope Part 2

If you missed part 1, please get caught up here.

C.S. Lewis wrote, “If I find in myself desires which nothing in this world can satisfy, the only logical explanation is that I was made for another world.”

Made for another world indeed. We were handcrafted by God himself not for this life but for the coming Life in heaven. And this is the only Life we can put our hope in.  We will lose heart and give up if we don’t. Negativity and sorrow will overwhelmingly crush our souls if we do not hope in the Life to come.  The biggest question is, what will this Life in heaven be like?

“No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him.” (1 Corinthians 2:9) Paul is simply saying to us that the end of our personal journeys will be incredible, and beyond our wildest dreams come true. As Eldredge dares us, “we cannot out dream God.”

Heaven is Life, and Life in abundance. It is not just a quantity of Life, but a certain glorious quality of Life. Our diseases will be healed, our sin erased, death will be no more. All of our tears will be wiped away, and there will be no pain. We will experience uninterrupted communion with Jesus. Our wildest dreams will come true. All of the longings and desires of our hearts will be fulfilled. We will be reunited with our family and closest friends. 

John Eldredge notes the comedy of the old saying, “He’s just not himself today.” He points out that the phrase is ironic because it’s true. No one is really quite themselves today. There is more to us than we have seen. Our true selves, our true creation will at times unexpectedly be revealed. 

“Life for the most parts keeps our glory hidden, cloaked by sin, sorrow, or merely weariness. When I see an older woman doubled over with arthritis, the hard years etched into her face, I want to cry, Eve what happened? How truly wonderful it will be to see her in her youth again, the full flower of her beauty restored.” (The Journey of Desire) 

We will finally, be the marvelous men and women God designed us to be. The full flower of our beauty and the full weight of our glory will be restored, and never again taken from us. Our youthful strength will not slip from us. Our greatest moments of joy and life on this side of eternity are only tiny glimpses of what we will experience when we finally go Home. Our experiences of love and intimacy in this life are only small sips of the Living Water from which we shall drink deeply in heaven.  Let hope begin to arise within you for this coming Life.

So now I find myself trying to out dream God in regards to heaven. I know that Jesus himself is in heaven now, preparing my place, my paradise in heaven. (John 14:2) He is doing the same or you, even as you read this post. Jesus knows us intimately, knows our every quirk and rhythm of our heart, knows us even better than we know ourselves. He knows our every dream and desire and thus he knows what we want concerning our place in heaven. Imagine the things he has up his sleeve! When I think about my place in heaven, I can see Jesus. He is rugged and strong, and more importantly, he is ecstatic to welcome me home. He has prepared a homecoming banquet and all of my family and friends are there. Grandpa Bob has teeth now, and he is young and mighty once again. My grandpa Schottel is not depressed but rather, very free and young as well. My parents are truly alive and joyous. Sadie (whenever it is she arrives Home) is whooping her contagious and life giving laugh hysterically. She too is young and beautiful completely restored in body spirit and soul. My best friends and I share a victory beer with Jesus (Imagine the stuff that guy can brew) as we recount the joyous times and triumphs we have shared. Jesus reveals his perfect work and plan throughout our first lives. He shows us just how very close he was to us, and we finally experience the full weight of his love. I have a house handcrafted by Jesus himself (the guy was a carpenter after all. What do you think he’s doing in heaven? Sitting in eternal glory with his nose held so high he can’t hear your prayers no less answer them? Doesn't sound much like the Jesus I read about when I open the gospels.) And the house is magnificent. It sits on a large piece of beautiful countryside. There are streams and ponds littering the property. I go fishing with Jesus. We bow hunt together. I play a little football with my best friends and family. Jesus joins the festivities as well. And obviously, Samantha is there. She is radiant and shining, smiling with her own full glory for the first time. She and I are excited because we finally get to truly live, happily ever after. Death and sin can no longer rob us of our love. Oh and I almost forgot. My knees are completely restored as is the rest of my body. No more patella tendinitis.  No more of me doing high knees/butt kicks and calling it running. I am, for the first time, truly running. In my place, I am running wild, young, and free.

As Lecrae so cleverly said:  My hope is not a verb, My hope is found in a noun. 

What is your place like? What are you putting your hope in?

Burnt Cookies and Hope Part 1

I’ll save you the pity party of personal details and jump right into it. The past week and a half or so has been rough. Lots of emotional turmoil. My heart was heavy and burdened. Though I didn't know it at the time, you could sum up the state of my heart in one word: Disappointed. I had become very negative, and lost heart.  

And as you know, when it rains, it surely pours.

So then we burnt the cookies. Samantha was visiting for the game and had been excited to make some homemade desserts. Of the desserts she planned on making, were your basic oatmeal chocolate chip cookies.  You know the rest of the story. 20 some minutes later we pulled out a batch of charred hockey pucks that were definitely not cookies. Samantha was flustered. I tried to console her and she dejectedly replied something to the effect of, “It’s fine. It’s always something and it gets old.” She promptly retreated to the deck with that comment and I promptly cried. This was about much more than the burnt cookies of the morning. This was about my un-grieved pain and frustration I have held inside the past 4 and a half years.  So I finally gave in to God and cried. And God was there. I dare say, God even orchestrated the week’s events to heal a broken part of me. A part of me that I had long been withholding from him.

And this Monday, God showed his face. God showed me exactly what it was he wanted to heal inside me so badly.

I woke up early and trained a client at 6 am. We were done by 7, and as I walked out of FKS I was overwhelmed with a sunrise that was breathtaking. Orange, yellows, reds, and purples like an artist just went to town on his canvas. Clouds scattered with the precision of a painter with undying passion for his work. My heart was immediately encouraged and uplifted in 10 seconds of beauty. It was a painting of hope, reminding me that one day, the Life I so desperately long for will indeed come.

I hopped into my car and turned on the local country station to find myself listening to Dierks Bentleys new single ‘I Hold On’. It is a song about a lot of different things, but it spoke to me this particular morning about hope. And I knew what God was after in my heart. He was after my hope.

“…set your hope fully on the grace to be given you when Jesus Christ is revealed.” - 1 Peter 1:13

Aka set your hope fully on the coming Kingdom of Heaven.

Samantha sent me an email earlier last week in the midst of my disappointments. She wrote “I can’t wait until one day God heals your body and I get to see you running free in heaven.” At the time I was ecstatic. My heart was encouraged. But that’s where it ended. My perspective was not adjusted at all because my hope was still in this life, here and now.

The past weeks struggle and exhaustion stemmed from one simple but profound broken part of my heart. I do not hope in Heaven. Instead, I live as though this temporary and often times disappointing life is my only hope.  Allow me to lean on the wisdom of John Eldredge and share an excerpt from The Sacred Romance. 

“…We no longer live in a world under heaven. All the troubles of the human soul flow from here. All our addictions and depression and the rage that simmers beneath the surface of our Christian facade...the deadness that characterizes much of our lives has one common source: We think this life is as good as it gets. Take away our hope of arrival and our journey becomes a death march. Even the best human life is unspeakably sad. If we do escape some of the bigger tragedies (and few of us do), life rarely matches our expectations. When we do get a taste of what we really long for, it never lasts. Every vacation comes to an end. Friends move away. Our careers don’t quite pan out. Sadly, we feel guilty about our disappointment, as though we ought to be more grateful. Of course we’re disappointed, we were made for so much more. ‘God has set eternity in our hearts.’ (Ecclesiastes 3:11) Our longing for heaven whispers to us in our disappointments and screams through our agony.” 

I was literally designed for eternity, for the Kingdom of Heaven. And so were you. Of course we're disappointed. We were made for the renewal of all things. 

Groomsmen Part 2: Lets get Funky

Next up we have #20 on your roster, but #1 in your hearts. Tyler RaeQuan Funk.

His middle name really isn't RaeQuan. Its actually Jose. Any-who, the middle name isn't that all important.

The reasons I love Tyler are important. 

Tyler is one of my best friends. Beside Mark, he is the only friend I met before high school that I am still very close with. Our friendship began quoting Billy Madison while we rode the pine at one of our youth baseball games. The rest is history. We played football and basketball together throughout high school. He is one of those guys that you love to compete alongside. He is one of the fiercest competitors I know. Hand grenades, horseshoes, Chinese Checkers. It doesn't freakin matter. If hes playing, he wants to win. In the famous words of Gregg Nesbitt, "Men, this guy just loves to bleepin compete!" To put it simply, if I'm picking teams for anything, my first round pick is Tyler. In fact now that I think of it, before anyone else speaks up, dibs on Funk for football and b-ball when we all finally make it to heaven.

Once again, I don't even know where to begin with this guy. I guess I will start with this: dang was he fun to have as a teammate. He was fiery and played with an edge. Most opposing players hated him because he had an unnerving confidence about him. He was always up for a challenge. He was never intimidated by anyone. He didn't mind talking a little trash. And he loved--and I mean loved--celebrating. Letting his emotions get the best of him when something great happened. He would jump and jitter, laugh and yell all at once. And it was fun. I think I liked playing alongside him so much because we were so alike. We competed in the exact same manner. It was a blast having a teammate that played the same way you did.

When I would complete a long ball to him we would go bananas. Side bumps. Fist pumps. All of the above.
Now I know, some of you are gagging about this whole thing. Some of you are muttering under your breath about how this has nothing to with Jesus. Or maybe you're saying that my theology is off. I'll first politely to tell you to kiss my ass. Second, I'll politely ask you to keep reading.

First, you must know. In regards to basketball, Tyler is an underdog. He's a 6 foot 1 white point guard. He's quick but not overly fast. He can dunk, but he's not going to cross over and mash over someone for a salty poster. But there are two things he will do: He will defend, and he will play with tremendous effort. Actually he will play with obnoxious effort. The kind of effort that pisses the other guy off about 45 seconds into the game.

My senior year we played Grandview. They are an extremely talented school in KC. Grandview had a player by the name of Alec Burks. He was a legit Division 1 ball player. For more info on Mr.Burks, click here. Anyway, Burks had averaged around 28 points per game coming into our contest. Now we always put Tyler on their best player. Needless to say, he had Burks. Long story short, he held Burks to a mere 8 points. We love hearing stories like that. They put pictures and meaning to the Story we all love. That Story is the fairy tale we call the gospel. Now on paper the gospel makes little sense; it seems impossible. Sure Jesus existed. There are countless pieces of historical proof for that. Sure he was killed brutally; plenty of historical evidence for that as well. But rise from the dead 3 days later? No way that happened... When you die, you die.. that's it. That's just 'how things work.' But then again, Tyler Funk guarding Alec Burks doesn't look real good on paper... Before they pulled out 3 trick plays, Boise State beating Oklahoma in the 2007 fiesta bowl didn't sound too good either...That is interesting. Or what about the 1983 basketball season for NC State? I suppose winning 7 of your last 9 games after trailing in the final minute doesn't seem to make much sense on paper. NC State went on to win the '83 title game against a Houston team that was completely superior to them in every facet of the game. Every. Facet.

Except one. Heart. Heart defies logic and science. Why else does the 12 beat the 5 seed? Why else do almost all the stories and movies we love involve someone overcoming some 'impossible' task? It's because these stories and movies are echoes from The Story. They stir up our hearts because at their core they are true. They are the gospel. Just because science can't logically explain it, doesn't mean it never happened, or for that matter couldn't happen. Our world is full of examples that prove science can only go so far. Somethings, you just can't explain with facts or logic. 

I imagine Burks laughed to himself when he first saw this poor little Kearney kid about to defend him. But the weight and strength of Funk's heart changed the game. His heart defied the 'logic' of only the strong surviving. His heart erased the automatic superiority of Burks on paper. Christ also defied the logic and science behind death. His fierce, noble, and passionate heart erased the 'superiority' of death once and for all. This is one of the reasons why we feel so crushed and devastated when we lose someone we love to death. It's because death is NOT natural. Our hearts, at some level, refuse to believe and accept the loss of loved ones no matter our beliefs. (more on this in another post)

In terms of football, Tyler was a receiver. And man he loved making plays down field. I loved throwing to him. If there was ever a 50/50 ball, you'd be one smart man to bet that Funk was comin down with it. Like Mark, He allowed me to play with ridiculous confidence. If I underthrew the football, he would make a play for me. If I over threw it, he would launch his body through the air and snag it. Essentially, if I was ever wrong, he made me right. I find myself messing up frequently in life. When I am wrong though, Jesus is always there to make me right.

One final story. The best one. In a past post, I said that every good moment you have ever loved, has been sent personally to your heart from God Himself. I believe our favorite memories and golden moments are tiny glimpses or previews of what heaven will be like. Tyler was a part of my one of my own golden moments, one of my favorite moments in my life. It was my senior basketball season and we were playing Hickman Mills in the quarterfinals. Winner got a ticket to Mizzou for the final four. Hickman Mills had just blistered us by about 30 at home two weeks before our quarterfinal match-up.  We had no business being the game. But somehow, with less than a minute left we found ourselves leading by 1 point. Hickman Mills had the ball. They were going to take the last shot. Now, the only reason we were in the game (or any game for that matter) was our collective effort on defense. And now we had to make one last stand, one stop. Keep in mind, we take great pride in our defense at Kearney. I honestly don't even remember the play, but they got a solid look and missed, and we tipped the ball to the other side of the court as time expired. We sealed the deal and won the game 34-33. It was pandemonium. Absolute chaos. We were going nuts. 

That is what heaven will feel like. A victory that we have no business tasting, but we will anyway. A hard fought victory in which many times we screwed up, made plenty of mistakes. But in the end, we will win and that's all that matters. 

While the below pictures were being taken, I think we both said 'I love you man' and 'We did it.' about 17 times each. Tyler gave me a preview to the kind of utter joy and excitement I will get when I finally hug Jesus for the first time. His heart is a lot like Jesus', and he gave me a glimpse of what life to the fullest in heaven will be. That's why I love him.

Groomsmen Part 1: THE Mark Krause

Recently Samantha and I reviewed some wedding plans and scrolled through the list of our bridal party. 

I looked at the list of my groomsmen, mah doods. I loved them. Every single one of them. Words honestly couldn't capture the grateful love I was feeling for these guys..

An alarming thought immediately followed. "I love these guys more than I love Jesus"

Why did I love them so much? Why do you love your best friends so much? 

I stumbled upon a blog later in the week that explains my thought nicely. There was a little boy named Laurence who was a huge fan of the book series 'The Chronicles of Narnia' by well known author and thinker C.S. Lewis.  Laurence was completely captivated by the Christ figure in the story, Aslan. Laurence loved Aslan very much. One day he told his mother that he was afraid he loved Aslan more than he loved Jesus. His mother, being the concerned mother she was, wrote to the publisher promptly and explained the situation. C.S. Lewis swiftly wrote a letter back to the mother and Laurence in just 10 days. 

"Tell Laurence from me, with my love,’ Lewis wrote in a detailed letter, ‘ … [He] can’t really love Aslan more than Jesus, even if he feels that’s what he is doing. For the things he loves Aslan for doing or saying are simply the things Jesus really did and said. So that when Laurence thinks he is loving Aslan, he is really loving Jesus: and perhaps loving Him more than he ever did before.." (becomegoodsoil.com) 

What I love about my groomsmen are the pieces of Jesus in them. Same holds true for you and your best friends, or your family. 

Every good person you have ever loved, has been sent rather personally to your heart from God Himself. Jesus uses these people you love so dearly to introduce himself to you many, many times. He is constantly knocking on the door of your heart through these people. 

And I know I may be a little biased, but my groomsmen got hella pieces of Christ's life pumping through their veins. 

So without further adieu, I will introduce to you MAH DOOOOODS! I pray it opens your eyes to how much you actually love Jesus too. 

First up, and in no particular order we have the one and only Mark Eldon Krause II. Where do I even begin with this guy? Our high school football coach Greg Jones said it best at a banquet. He told us that Mark has that rare ability to 'light up' any room that he walks into. Coach was right. Mark has one of the most dynamic personalities I have ever encountered. First trait that mirrors the Savior of our universe. Jesus had an uncanny personality that was so raw and unpredictable that he is often written off as a lunatic. For those of you who know Mark, its safe to say hes been called a lunatic before. Actually, a majority of people probably write him off for any number of reasons. I'd say those are the same people who don't quite know him like I do. Mark can find the humor in almost any situation, but turn around and be completely serious about the things he loves. 

But the greatest similarity I see between Jesus and Marks respective personalities is strength. Mark can certainly have a good time. But he can also be overwhelmingly fierce and strong when needed. Physically, hes a freak. The guy punts at K State, but he can squat the house. The kid cant even find a pair of jeans that his bulging glutes can fit into. (No homo) Certainly he has a strong physical presence. But there is also something deeper than physical strength. Something fierce and absolutely wild about his heart. I got to see and experience this heart firsthand on Friday nights in the fall during high school. Mark and I were both on offense.  Now, if you play fullback in our offense, your probably one of the toughest bastards on our team. Lets just say Mark played fullback, and he played it well. He was constantly launching his body at full speed into one or more opposing players all so our RB's could snatch a couple yards. But why I was most fond and grateful for him was what he would do for me. I played QB and we used to run a lot of sprint out pass plays. This requires some type of personal protector for me as I lumbered out to the edge to chuck the rock. Mark was my personal protector. The countless times he would sacrifice his body for me was unreal. He was always protecting me, always looking out for me. If you wanted to hit me, odds are you would meet a certain #38 who played with a pissed off taste in his mouth. I honestly can't remember a time I was hit when it was his fault. But the few times I was knocked down, you could bet on who was the first one there picking my lanky bones off the turf. #38. One of my favorite sounds I have ever heard in my life was Mark Krause peeling back at the last second and violently eliminating an opposing player as I unloaded the rock for a TD. There are a few things in life that are sweeter, but only a few. 

Mark's body would hurt like hell on Saturday and Sunday so mine didn't have to. He hurt so I could feel good.  Jesus died so I could live. He hurt. He was forsaken by God so I would never have to be. There is nothing in life sweeter than that. 

Mark was always there to help me back to my feet after I was clobbered on Friday nights. Jesus helps me back to my feet when I fail and get suckerpunched by life. Because of Marks sacrifice, I played with supreme confidence. I was free to be the player I was meant to be on those Friday nights. Because of Christ's sacrifice, I live with supreme confidence. I am free to be the man I was meant to be. 

A couple lines from Eminem's When I'm Gone sum it all up:

Have you ever loved someone so much, you'd give an arm for?
Not the expression, no, literally give an arm for?
When they know they're your heart
And you know you are their armor
And you will destroy anyone who would try to harm em

Mark would give more than his arm for me. There is absolutely no question in my mind that he would give his life for me. I'd do the same for him. He was my armor on Friday nights. Jesus is my armor in life. Mark was a huge part of my heart on Friday nights. Jesus is my heart in life. Thanks to Mark Krause I got to see and feel the strength of the gospel even when I didn't realize it. That's why I love him.