He can't wait

If you couldn't tell, me and Samantha are absolutely GEEEEEKED for our wedding. We cannot wait to wave goodbye to this long distance relationship and usher in a new season of life. 99 days for those of you counting at home.

As I have previously stated, Every good person you have ever loved, has been sent rather personally to your heart from God Himself. Jesus uses these people you love so dearly to introduce himself to you many, many times. He is constantly knocking on the door of your heart through these people. I'm one of the crazy people who thinks that God uses our relationships to reveal some piece of his heart for us.

That time your parents told you there is nothing you could do to make them love you less, was actually the Father's love calling out to you. The countless times your closest friends were simply there for you through thick and thin, was actually the faithful friendship Jesus desires to share with you. Or how about that one married couple, who after many years of life together, actually love each other more than when they first began? That would be the kinda intimacy and soul oneness we were literally designed to share with our Creator. And so Eldredge explains in The Sacred Romance:

"The scriptures employ a wide scale of metaphors to capture the many facets of our relationship with God. If you consider them in a sort of ascending order there is a noticeable and breathtaking progression. Down near the bottom of the totem pole we are the clay, and he is the potter. Moving up a notch, we are the sheep and he the Shepherd. A little better, but hardly flattering. Moving upward we are the servants of the Master, which at least gets us into the house, even if we have to wipe our feet, watch our manners. Most Christians never get past this point, but the ladder of metaphors is about to make a steep ascent. God also calls us his children, and himself our Father which brings us into the possibility of real intimacy. He then calls us his FRIENDS, which opens up a communion that a 5 yr old doesn't quite know with his mother or father. 

But there is still a higher and deeper level of intimacy and partnership awaiting us at the top of this metaphorical ascent. We are his lovers. The courtship that began with a honeymoon in the Garden culminates at the wedding feast of Jesus. "I will take delight in you", he says " as a groom rejoices over his bride, so I will rejoice over you" (Zephaniah 3:17)"

After reading the excerpt from The Sacred Romance my relationship with God was absolutely turned upside down. I began seeing Gods deeply personal love for me through all my friends, family, and Samantha. It was tremendous. It is tremendous. God very plainly told me that Samantha and I's joy and delight in one another is only a tiny glimpse of his love for me.  I will take delight in you, as a groom rejoices over his bride, so I will rejoice over you. Are you kidding me?! There is no question that in 99 days I will be rejoicing over Samantha. In 99 days I will take indescribable delight in Samantha. And I'm just a flabby human....How much more does the Living God, the Great Lover rejoice over us? How much more does he take delight in us? 

All our deep longings and desires for one another are but small extensions of his deeper and wider longings for us to be united with him; united in an endless intimacy that infinitely overflows with joy and ecstasy. 

And so I begin to wonder, if Samantha and I are giddily counting down the days until our wedding, how much more is God ecstatically counting down the days until The Wedding? Every day we wake up, Samantha and I remind each other how many more days until our wedding. 

What if you believed that God does the same for you? That with each time you wake, He crosses off another day spent apart from the love of his life? You are the love of his life, don't you know? There is only one of you.  God longs for you to fill the empty void in his soul that you alone can fill. 

Samantha was enjoying herself at a coffee shop in Des Moines reading and relaxing this past spring. She text me excited yet incomplete saying "I wish you were here though. It's just not the same without you." Bingo. It was a message sent directly from Gods heart to my super sweet slider phone. Its just not the same in without ya son. I wish ya were here.

God wants you, longs for you, even needs your companionship. Not in way that makes him less God if you do not give yourself over to him in reckless abandon. But in a way that makes his Lover's heart ache with incompleteness upon your refusing him as the love of your own life. 

Samantha and I often tell each other we 'cant wait for our day.'  Its really God telling us, and you, that He can't wait for your day.

He can't wait to see you face to face, and wave goodbye to a long distance relationship littered with sin and brokenness, and usher in the new season of Life. 

He can't wait. 

Does God really give a rip about our dreams?

Does God really care about our dreams?

Two Sundays ago, September 22nd to be exact, Samantha invited me to join her in writing down our personal dreams. The dreams could be large or small, and there was no limit as to how many you could write down.This was my kind of deal! So I jumped right in and scribbled down everything I could think of. By the end I had compiled a list of exactly 38 dreams. Samantha and I then shared our list with each other. 

As I shared a few of my dreams with her, I could not help but become discouraged. Some of the windows seemed to be closing on a few of my dreams regarding football. They were dreams I had so badly wanted to give up on over the past 3-4 years.Very simply, it seemed like God didn't really give a rip about these dreams. But I took a risk and held on; I trusted God with my heart and dreams.

The first dream on my list regarding football was 'to be restored on the field again, to play with an edge once more.' Very simply, I wanted to be myself on the field again. For a whole mess of reasons I will refrain from explaining, I had only been myself on two occasions in my 4 year career. Other than these two instances, I simply was not the player or leader I knew I could be between those white lines. This was a burden and sorrow I could not put to words. 

Fast forward to Saturday, September 28th, I was myself once again. I was loud and aggressive. I talked lots of trash to the almighty UCM donkeys. I played with an edge and played well. I led my troops with passion and stayed in the fight for 60 minutes. It was a blast. I had the time of my life.  Now this wasn't just like I flipped a switch and was all of a sudden myself once more. I have tried and strived on my own strength to 'flip the switch' for 4 years. That hasn't worked. This was a divine intervention. I know God had his hand of restoration on me this past Saturday. How do I know? I shared a rather real conversation with an angel all game long.

The angel I was speaking to was about 6'1 and weighed somewhere between 215-225 lbs. He was a black man wearing an away Truman jersey. Some of you might know him as Ivan James. From before kickoff until the clock read zero, Ivan James was constantly in my ear. Do you love football? Love it like the old Conrad. Be that gunslinger. Before and after every series. Between quarters and at halftime. Ivan was there reminding that I loved this game. It was Gods voice pumping through the raspy voice of Sir Ivan James. My heart is eternally grateful to both God and Ivan James for that dream come true.

The game continued, we had the over rated donkeys dead to rights, with 9 minutes left in the 4th quarter. We then self destructed and gave the game away. We were done. But God wasn't quite done with my dreams just yet. With 40 some seconds left, down by 28 points, I cut loose a bomb to my roomie and good friend Tony Pucci. We connected on a deep post for a TD. Though we were still down by 21, I was ecstatic. Absolutely thrilled. I nearly teared up as I ran to celebrate with him. Some of you reading this are asking Whats the big deal? Its a meaningless TD.. Yes, like anything else in life, without God in the equation, the TD was very meaningless. But when you walk with God nothing is meaningless. This TD was much more than the 6 measly points it put on our scoreboard. It was a living picture of overcoming 4 and a half long years of adversity. It was much needed healing from the God who cares deeply about both of our hearts. It was a much needed gift of joy wrapped in the form of Trips right 36 Mesh.

Below I have highlighted the other dream I had written down just 6 days prior to it coming true. 

Though the picture cuts off the very end, the other half that is still yet to be highlighted reads 'To win the game.' I reckon I'll keep trusting God with the un-highlighted half, and see what else he's got up his sleeve this season. 

Samantha met me on the field afterward with tears in her eyes and said "God cares."

Yes. He does care.